In a better mood
It’s only the 3rd week of the new year and I already need to vent?? This does not bode well for 2012.
1. My B average at school sucks. I have 8 classes to go and even with A’s, I’m not going to make cum laude. If only you had any idea of how disappointed I am in myself. I could blame my health, being beaten, taking care of 2 kids on my own and a myriad of other things but the blame lies within me. I’m just not as smart as I thought and I have the audacity to think I can be accepted into Harvard’s PhD/JD program. Not.
2. A few of my friends have turned 40 in the last few months and they don’t look it. I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. (Doesn’t help that everyone sees a picture of my mom and says we look alike). I even tried to find some makeup while the fiance was visiting. Um, let’s just say that didn’t go too well and I washed it off as soon as I got home. My health (or lack of it) is manifesting in my looks and it’s ugly. And then trying to be a secure, confident fiance on top of that is not easy.
3. Speaking of health, the doctor’s visit was so much fun last week. I have 2 more follow up appointments for my liver and breast pain. I’m back on my meds with the crazy side effects because everyone else seems to think a 10% survival rate is better than 0%. Personally, I would rather deal with the devil I know than the one I don’t.
4. My neighbors are driving me up the wall with their loud music, TV’s and the little drummer boy.
5. My business is just not where is could be. I see other business owners opening shops, getting onto TV, getting celebrity endorsements, etc. I make a sale when I reduce prices by 80%. I know I make quality items but no one sees it enough to pay what the items are worth. I looked over competitors’ websites last week and some have over 1100 sales in the last 2 years. I have 87 in 4 years. What am I missing on that one??
6. My spiritual life is a disaster. I’m too weak to take a stand and I’m completely ashamed.
I’m just not having a good day. Do I feel better? A little. My fiance hates the fact I blog about every little thing. I just need him to understand this is cheaper and less inconvenient than me being committed to a facility. o_0
LilPecan
January 23, 2012
We all go through times like that. It can’t help that it is winter, cold and sunless.
As for the superficial, even without illness, we all have to get used to losing our looks as we grow older. Some do it sooner than others. At least you know there is a reason behind yours. Try to wear it as a strength. You have gone through and continue to go through much. You are a survivor. Grey hair and wrinkles are badges of your survivial. I think that sure beats being beautiful and dead.
I think you are beautiful inside and out. I wish there was a way to make you feel that way.
yvonne martinez
January 23, 2012
I have the same issues in school-and now that I’m considering Pre-Med-I find myself worrying……then I remember to stop looking at my abilities and look to God. Dr. Martinez is absurd-until I look at HIM.
Shauna
February 5, 2012
I have about 8 sales since 2008… maybe six
No one buys from me online. Only in person. Yeah, I feel dumb often watching everyone else do soooo much better than I do. Just gotta hang on I guess.