BPC Is On The Move!

Yes, a blog post! Yes, it’s cancer free!

2010 is going to be a BIG year for myself and Black Pearl Creations.

Tonight is the Help Haiti Charity Event at the Sky Lounge in Nashua. I made a scarf to donate for an auction/raffle.

In April, I am participating in a shopping night. Friends of Foster Care of the Coastal Area Office Department of Children and Families is who will be benefitted from this event. One of their coordinators found my shop on Etsy and asked if I would like to participate. It’s such an honor when I am asked to participate instead of groveling for my application to be accepted!

And speaking of groveling, there is Twist IV in May. *sigh* I want to participate in this event so bad I can taste it. I’m not scared of applying but it’s the way they want you to apply that has me worried. Along with the application, you must submit 3 photos of your work. And they stress the photos must be perfect or they won’t even consider you. Most of you have seen my phototaking skills. As you must know, I don’t have any!!

A friend of mine is also planning a business expo for May 1st and I would like to part take in that as well.

Later in the year, I will be heading back down to Brooklyn to take part in the Atlantic Antic once again. 300,000 people will be exposed to Black Pearl Creations and my zaniness. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.

Lightweight scarves, leg warmers, pageboys and berets will be in the collection for 2010 Spring and Summer.

But get familiar with Black Pearl Creations! Don’t want you to be left behind when the train leaves the stations!

Un-Loc?

I would really love to hear from other black women who are post chemo and having hair issues. Getting a regular Big Chop is completely different from having your hair fall out and getting down to the nitty gritty of your actual hair texture. As much as I love all of my transitioning sisters, I don’t know if your experience(s) can help me.

Last month, after being frustrated of watching my hair grow so slooooooow, I decided to get loc extensions. I was transitioning out of my perm in the summer of 2008. But as we all know, my hair fell out with chemo so I am now at “virgin” hair status.

So, I had the loc extensions added and this morning, the 4th one fell out. Again, my hair is uber straight right now. Even when it gets wet, you can still run your fingers through it because it has no naps. (Never thought I would miss my naps). The extensions are just sliding out! Don’t get me wrong, these locs are beautiful and the loctian gets mad respect! But it’s embarassing to be at work and a loc falls out! (Happened last week).

The problem is, my hair has been growing for about 6 months. In that time, its grown about 2 to 2.5″. But my hair is like a baby or a white woman’s hair. I have no idea of what my actual texture is or will be. I just talked to my mom and grilled her about my hair. It seems I never really had naps to begin with. She said my hair is like my Aunt Vickie’s (and auntie’s hair is slamming!) Mom suggested to be patient, (huh? what’s that?) take the locs out to avoid any more faux pas and to enjoy my hair. Since when did my mom get philosophical about hair??

I read in a book written by Oprah’s hairdresser to not fight your hair. That’s why our hair looks bad because we don’t go with the flow. I thought locs were going with the flow but obviously, it has other ideas. I really like my locs but if another one falls out, I’m taking them down and going for one of these options:

A Dollar Short And A Day Late…

For those online friends who have kept up with me, my cancer and my life in general, you know that I have not had anyone here physically to be supportive throughout this ongoing drama called Kicking Cancer’s Ass.

I’ve had 2 people apologize already and I’m grateful that our friendships didn’t suffer. What these two people don’t realize is that I was never bitter towards them. Upset and disappointed but not bitter.

Yesterday, I received another apology that I was not expecting. If you go back to January, you will remember this:

One, who’s mom passed from breast cancer a few months ago, has literally disappeared off the face of the earth spending his inheritance. Thank goodness I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for the “whatever you need, I’ll get for you” line of crap.

It is an understatement to say I was angry with this particular person. I was angry, bitter and pissed off. Well, I received a letter and a subsequent call resulted from this person last night. Needless to say, I was shocked. I appreciate the apology and I’m glad they had a change of heart. However, his apology:

Doesn’t give me back the rides to chemo from a loved one instead of depending on strangers.

Doesn’t give me back those nights I cried thinking of how my death would affect my kids and no one there to rub my head and say, “Keep fighting!”

Doesn’t give me back the feeling of comfort and of being loved I should have had.

Doesn’t give me back the chance to have someone waiting for me (besides my mom) after surgery.

Doesn’t give me back the peace from not being frustrated of trying to find a ride to get to surgery and back home.

And his apology doesn’t give me back the piece of my heart that was hardened towards him.

The Hair Chronicles Part 1

This video shows my hair over the course of the past 16 months… I’m still amazed when I see it all together like this…

I Made It!

I’m 38! For those who have followed my journey, you know how special this birthday is to me. I never thought I was going to see my son play high school football or lil mama turn 4! We all know, in our subconscious, that we are going to die, but when you are told you have cancer, that is brought to the forefront and it really is all you think about.

I was reviewing what I wrote a year ago…

“My daughter will be 3 next month and if I pass away soon, she won’t remember much of me, so you can understand my concern for my son.”

And…

“So, I have some plans for the next 2 to 3 years. All involve money so I really need to either get a raise, win the lottery or get BPC into self-sufficiency.

1. Take the kids to Disney (what else did you expect?)
2. Visit Jerusalem.
3. Visit the islands and try parasailing (yeah, I know I can’t swim, shhh.)
4. Find a good man ready to take care of my kids after I’m gone. (This is about my dreams, remember?)”

Well, the past year has been spent 50% at work and 50% at the doctors (chemo, surgery, radiation,). Needless to say, I haven’t had much time to achieve any of the above goals. However, I have made some personal changes that are even more important:

1. I really do speak my mind now. I was to the point before, but if you don’t want the truth, then don’t ask me.

2. My relationship with my son has grown in a way that I never thought possible. We really are 2 partners in crime.

3. I’ve learned to accept me as I am and what I don’t like, I’m actually working on changing it.

I’m sure as I get older, my birthday musings won’t be so philosophical or thought provoking. If you follow me on Facebook, you already know I didn’t have a philosophical weekend!

Some Pics From The Concord Art Market

No words…just eye candy

It’s Now November…

And what have YOU done to raise awareness for breast cancer? Read my post here to see why I am asking.

Time For An Upgrade…

black Pearl Creations will be going through some changes in the next few weeks to months.

This feeling of urgency for a change started a couple of weeks ago when I posted my second pattern for sale. I am not going to become a millionaire on this one pattern, by no means, but I am making money. It seems there are a lot of crocheters out there thirsty for patterns! I am seeing a consistent selling of the slouch hat pattern. I am in the process of writing up the patterns for the swirl leg warmers, the Iola and the Aella.

I realized I am cheating myself (and other fiber artists) by not charging full price for my finished work. I was listening to the fearful economy talk and reducing my prices and using inferior materials. All that did was cheapen my company. I LOVE to create and to create via crochet. But I can’t be mainstream. I can’t make 50 hats and be happy. I also don’t get any satisfaction from using fibers that don’t promote Black Pearl Creations’ quality. I remember participating in craft shows with one of a kind pieces and selling out!

So I am going back to what Black Pearl Creations is known for: one of a kind hand crocheted clothing and accessories. Be on the lookout for my outerwear designs to be coming in the next couple of months. I will still list items on Etsy. However, each piece will be limited so if you don’t buy it when you see it, I’m sorry.

Vote for LeShon!

I entered LeShon into the Southpole Model Search! Please vote for him! I think it would be great if he won!

Southpole® National Model Search II Sponsored by Southpole®

Recurrence Is An Evil Word

If you read my last post, you would know there was some mild paranoia starting up in my head…

My paranoia has to do with the estrogen flowing in my body and some of the symptoms I am getting. It feels like I have milk (or something) leaking from my nipples, my brain feels like it’s swimming and I’m just feeling blah.

When I went in last week to the doctor, I told him my symptoms and he scheduled an emergency mammogram.

I missed my appointment. Definitely not on purpose but now I have to suffer through another 3 days before I know anything for sure.

My gut, mommy intuition, I know everything feeling?

The cancer has spread to my left breast.

As I explained to my mom, I’m ok because I was still in the middle of treatment. It’s not as if I have been cancer free for 10 years and then bam! I have to deal with this crap again. I know the physical, mental and emotional obstacles that come with this.

I was explaining some positive aspects to my mom the other day: more weight loss and my boobs will be even.

But still.

I don’t want to go through it again.

Stay tuned.