I Made It!

I’m 38! For those who have followed my journey, you know how special this birthday is to me. I never thought I was going to see my son play high school football or lil mama turn 4! We all know, in our subconscious, that we are going to die, but when you are told you have cancer, that is brought to the forefront and it really is all you think about.

I was reviewing what I wrote a year ago…

“My daughter will be 3 next month and if I pass away soon, she won’t remember much of me, so you can understand my concern for my son.”

And…

“So, I have some plans for the next 2 to 3 years. All involve money so I really need to either get a raise, win the lottery or get BPC into self-sufficiency.

1. Take the kids to Disney (what else did you expect?)
2. Visit Jerusalem.
3. Visit the islands and try parasailing (yeah, I know I can’t swim, shhh.)
4. Find a good man ready to take care of my kids after I’m gone. (This is about my dreams, remember?)”

Well, the past year has been spent 50% at work and 50% at the doctors (chemo, surgery, radiation,). Needless to say, I haven’t had much time to achieve any of the above goals. However, I have made some personal changes that are even more important:

1. I really do speak my mind now. I was to the point before, but if you don’t want the truth, then don’t ask me.

2. My relationship with my son has grown in a way that I never thought possible. We really are 2 partners in crime.

3. I’ve learned to accept me as I am and what I don’t like, I’m actually working on changing it.

I’m sure as I get older, my birthday musings won’t be so philosophical or thought provoking. If you follow me on Facebook, you already know I didn’t have a philosophical weekend!

Some Pics From The Concord Art Market

No words…just eye candy

It’s Now November…

And what have YOU done to raise awareness for breast cancer? Read my post here to see why I am asking.

Time For An Upgrade…

black Pearl Creations will be going through some changes in the next few weeks to months.

This feeling of urgency for a change started a couple of weeks ago when I posted my second pattern for sale. I am not going to become a millionaire on this one pattern, by no means, but I am making money. It seems there are a lot of crocheters out there thirsty for patterns! I am seeing a consistent selling of the slouch hat pattern. I am in the process of writing up the patterns for the swirl leg warmers, the Iola and the Aella.

I realized I am cheating myself (and other fiber artists) by not charging full price for my finished work. I was listening to the fearful economy talk and reducing my prices and using inferior materials. All that did was cheapen my company. I LOVE to create and to create via crochet. But I can’t be mainstream. I can’t make 50 hats and be happy. I also don’t get any satisfaction from using fibers that don’t promote Black Pearl Creations’ quality. I remember participating in craft shows with one of a kind pieces and selling out!

So I am going back to what Black Pearl Creations is known for: one of a kind hand crocheted clothing and accessories. Be on the lookout for my outerwear designs to be coming in the next couple of months. I will still list items on Etsy. However, each piece will be limited so if you don’t buy it when you see it, I’m sorry.

Vote for LeShon!

I entered LeShon into the Southpole Model Search! Please vote for him! I think it would be great if he won!

Southpole® National Model Search II Sponsored by Southpole®

Recurrence Is An Evil Word

If you read my last post, you would know there was some mild paranoia starting up in my head…

My paranoia has to do with the estrogen flowing in my body and some of the symptoms I am getting. It feels like I have milk (or something) leaking from my nipples, my brain feels like it’s swimming and I’m just feeling blah.

When I went in last week to the doctor, I told him my symptoms and he scheduled an emergency mammogram.

I missed my appointment. Definitely not on purpose but now I have to suffer through another 3 days before I know anything for sure.

My gut, mommy intuition, I know everything feeling?

The cancer has spread to my left breast.

As I explained to my mom, I’m ok because I was still in the middle of treatment. It’s not as if I have been cancer free for 10 years and then bam! I have to deal with this crap again. I know the physical, mental and emotional obstacles that come with this.

I was explaining some positive aspects to my mom the other day: more weight loss and my boobs will be even.

But still.

I don’t want to go through it again.

Stay tuned.

Who Knew…?

I would be so friggin’ happy to see my period! Ok, maybe I need to take a step back and explain.

In the breast cancer world, not only do you deal with the regular cancer stuff but you also have to deal with specific female issues. Looks, self-esteem (or lack thereof) and motherhood are all things that have to be dealt with. I just turned 37 when I was diagnosed and was told I may be pushed into and through menopause from the chemo. I was also told that a decision to have another child needed to be made so we can harvest my eggs. I decided not to have my eggs harvested because, to be honest, I couldn’t think that far ahead. As I got into treatment, I was angry that the CHOICE to have another child was being taken away from me without my input. Whether or not I would actually put myself through that toture again is completely besides the point. I wanted the option of having a choice.

So, without being graphic, things happened today and come to find my body has not been pushed through menopause! I can admit, I was very excited. It was almost like my body is getting back to normal! AND I got that choice back!!

Almost.

On the flip side (and with cancer there is ALWAYS a flip side) the presence of my period means there is estrogen flowing in my system. My cancer feeds off estrogen so this is actually a potentially dangerous situation. This could feed into any microscopic cells and become aggressive and turn into my second bout with cancer. Can you say paranoid?

I can’t even describe the emotions running through my head at the point. And don’t want to even try to right now.

Leg Warmer Layaway is Up!

Make your deposit now! Pay over 4 weeks. Offer ends Novemver 15th.

2009 Holiday Season Layaway is Up!

Well, 78 days until Christmas. Pick up your jaw off the floor. Trust me, I had the same reaction.

This holiday season, many people want to get gifts for their loved ones but aren’t sure of how they are going to be able to afford it. Layaway. I remember it from my childhood and my first few years as a single mom to my now 14 year old. It was convenient, forced me to purchase carefully and what a delight my son had on Christmas morning!

With many people out of work and others facing pay freezes or cuts, I decided to offer layaway on some items. You can visit my Etsy shop to see what’s available. You can purchase through Etsy vis Paypal or email me and we can work out the details.

Always remember, other colors and sizes are always available. So if you don’t see what you want, let me know.

The following rules apply:

1. 10% non-refundable deposit for ready made items. $5 is the minimum deposit for ANY item.

2. 20% non-refundable deposit for custom made items.

3. You have 4 weeks to pay. I don’t care if you wait until the last day. However, if you don’t pay the balance, you lose the item and your deposit.

4. Let me know if you want to layaway so I can make a listing for you.

5. Stop by my shop, browse and pick up some lovely gifts for friends/family and yourself!

A Different Perspective on Breast Cancer Awareness Month

So, here it is…October. Breast Cancer Awareness month. I never, ever paid attention to it before. This year? My mind is infused with it. I think of nothing else. I badger complete strangers to get a mammogram. I donate. I volunteer. I prosletize. And I cry. I do this on a regular basis so it’s a part of my routine.

However, many jump on the bandwagon because it’s the “in” thing. I just cuss those people out and keep moving. I have no time nor desire to be this month’s Disease of the Month. In November, everyone will forget about this horrible disease and the women it destroys in its wake.

You want to be aware of breast cancer? Find a woman who is suffering and be there for her. There is nothing worse than going through this alone. Nothing. I know. I had to endure that. And I think that’s why I’m writing this. I’m pissed off that so many people don’t take this seriously.

It’s a fad.

It’s a chance to get things in pink.

It’s a chance to be a part of the crowd.

Yeah, I love pink. And Im offended that people think I wear my pink ribbon to be a part of a group. Hello! Do you see the lack of hair and lopsided breasts through my shirt! I’m an actual person fighting this shit!

But who the frig cares if you are AWARE of breast cancer? Everyone is aware of it! Do something! As I’ve heard it said: Don’t talk about it, be about it.

* Volunteer

* Donate time and/or money. Every minute and every dollar is needed and appreciated. Nothing is too small to give. Nothing.

* Join Spirit Jump and lift the spirits of a woman at home, after chemo, no hair, no breasts and no hope. My Spirit Jumpers were awesome and truly worked in helping me and my kids keep our hopes up.

Please understand, in the time it took you to read this, a woman was just diagnosed and another woman died. It’s not a game, a joke or a status symbol for peopl to feel holier-than-thou. It’s people’s lives.

Be aware of that!